MLP and characters created by Hasbro & Lauren Faust
Random references by lots of other sci-fi and fantasy
Friendship is Epic is taken from random craziness in pony-chats across the internet. I have collated them into a story - but the ideas in general are fueled by the casual comments of dozens of random anonymous fans.
MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS EPIC
by Noir deSilhouette
Doctor Whooves looked around at the blighted landscape. "But it really shouldn't have brought us this far forward... this isn't right."
Twilight sat stunned, looking around at the devastation. She had lived in Ponyville only a short time, but she loved the quiet simplicity of the place, and its wonderful people, and all her friends... how could this have happened?
"Must be the interference wave, we'll have to go try aga-"
She took off like a shot, galloping towards Ponyville.
"No, wait!" cried Doctor Whooves, behind her, but she paid no attention. She had to make sure her friends were all right! It couldn't be true, it just couldn't be! Time travel was impossible! this was a joke, she'd come over this hill, and find the town, and everything would be fine ...
She got to the top of the hill and stopped, her hooves beating a nervous rhythm against the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust around her. It couldn't be! Ponyville was in ruins, the outer buildings burnt and destroyed, the inner buildings built up with scrap metal, weird spikes, and surrounded by a tall, spiked wall. The ponies patrolling that wall were all wrapped up in rags and leather, and metal spikes poking out of their clothes at odd places, and their colors seemed sickly and patchy.
Doctor Whooves came running up next to her, and looked down on the town, with Derpy floating unconcerned overhead. "Well," said Doctor Whooves, "That's not right." He sounded less worried, and more like he just ran into an interesting riddle.
"Of course it's not right! Everything looks horrible! And it was just fine a moment ago!" Twilight cried, panicked.
"Time machine!" Derpy reminded her cheerfully, wings flapping lazily as she dangled in the air above them.
"That's not what bothers me..." said Doctor Whooves, "what bothers me is that this isn't supposed to be like this. Last time I was in this time period, there was a little shop down there with a really delicious apple pie a la mode ... somepony changed something."
"Apple pie..." Twilight repeated, a little confused, turning to look at Doctor Whooves with a lost expression on her face. Here they were, looking at a ruin of a landscape, and all he could talk about was apple pie?
Before Doctor Whooves could answer, there was a raucous and mocking laughter surrounding them. Pegasus ponies flew in to circle about the trio of time-travelers, all of them dressed in black leather with metal spikes pointing in all directions. From up close, Twilight could see that their colors were even worse than she thought. Sickly greens, nauseous yellows, angry reds. And their cutie marks! Axes, chains, lead pipes, maces - she'd never seen ponies like this!
"Well, well, well," said one of the pegasi, dropping down to land before them while the others continued to circle. This pegasus pony had a black coat and blood-red hair, and her teeth looked filed down to points. Her cutie mark was of a nasty looking knife on a red splotch. "What do we have here?"
"Ooo, ooo, ooo!" cried one of the circling pegasi, a sickly yellow pony with a mottled brown mane and a swiss army knife with a spoon folded out as a cutie mark. "I know! They're ponies, Hoofcutter! Three of them!"
"Good job!" cried Derpy cheerfully, "You're really smart!"
"Shut up, Dull Edge!" Hoofcutter snapped. "I can see that!"
"What's going on?!" cried Twilight, exasperated. "Who are you all? What happened to Ponyville? Where's my friends?!"
All the pegasus ponies stopped circling, and looked at each other. "Friends?" one said, and the word echoed around the flock of pegasi, like it was a word they weren't used to hearing. "Friends." "Friends?" "Friends... "
"Ponyville," said Hoofcutter, thoughtfully. "I ... haven't heard that name for it in a long time... not since the Before time... "
"Yeah, the Before time!" agreed Dull Edge.
"Shut UP, Dull Edge!" snapped Hoofcutter.
"What I really want to know," Doctor Whooves mused thoughtfully, seeming entirely unconcerned, "Is what's that noise?"
"What noise?" snapped Hoofcutter, sounding like she was on her very last nerve.
Twilight Sparkle tilted her head to the side, trying to listen. What noise could Doctor Whooves have heard that would distract him from a herd of evil pegasi about to kick their tails?
All the pegasus ponies were listening, as were Doctor Whooves and Derpy. Quiet reigned, except for a far-off buzzing noise. Twilight could swear she'd heard that noise before, it seemed so familiar, but she couldn't quite put her hoof on it. It was deep, and resonant, and it was getting closer.
A cart came flying over the hill, leaping through the air in a graceful arc. It was a strange cart made mostly of metal pipes, with four big rubber wheels. There weren't any ponies hauling the cart, and the loud buzzing noise seemed to be coming from it. It crashed into the crowd of pegasi, scattering them.
A yellow hoof struck out from the cart as it flew over their heads, kicking to the side with a cry of 'hi-ya!' to strike one of the pegasus ponies in the jaw, knocking it for a loop. The cart landed, slid sideways for a bit. Two ponies sat in seats in the front of the strangely shaped cart, and a third pony stood on the back, pressing her front hooves against a cross-bar as her orange wings blurred, making the loud buzzing noise. The three ponies were dressed in white leather, from nose to tail, only their muzzles and hoofs showing from behind goggles and cap.
But Twilight could see that the pegasus was orange with a purple mane, that the earth pony with the strong kick was yellow with a red mane, and that the third was a unicorn, white with a curly pink and lavender mane. But that meant... no, it couldn't be...
"The Crusaders!" snarled Hoofcutter. "Get them!"
The white unicorn stood up in her seat. "Wait," she said, and her voice rang powerfully across the clearing. "I am gravely disappointed. Again, you have made us take out the Scootbuggy. You know who we are. You know how this goes, every time we fight - with you crawling back to the Colossal, bruised and broken. There has been too much violence, too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just fly away." Her voice was sonorous, carrying not threat, but rather, a strong determination, along with a hint of compassion. "If you fight us, you can have trouble sleeping tonight with your new bruises. Or you can leave now, and tell Colossal that you were, once again, stopped by the Crusaders. He'll be angry either way, but if you leave now, at least you'll sleep well tonight."
The pegasus bullies all paused, uncertainly.
"I'll make sure," Hoofcutter snarled, "That Colossal hears about every cowardly one of you who disobeys. What he'll do to you will make any beating the Crusaders could dish out seem like a love tap!"
"Wow!" chirped Derpy. "It's almost like she's ordering you all to make sure she doesn't make it back to the camp!"
Hoofcutter sputtered indignantly. "Fall back!" she cried, with a snarl, and backed off slowly. "This isn't the end, Crusaders! I'll get you yet!" then she turned and shot off into the sky.
The three ponies on the dune buggy - or 'Scootbuggy' - struck a pose. "You have been saved by the Crusaders!" cried the white unicorn pony. "Sweetie Belle!"
"Apple Bloom!" cried the yellow earth pony.
"And Scootaloo!" finished the orange pegasus pony.
"My little ponies!" Twilight cried happily! "How big you've grown!"
The Crusaders looked surprised. Then their eyes widened.
"Twilight?!" exclaimed Apple Bloom. "You're back? What are you doing here?"
"Where did you disappear to?" asked Scootaloo.
"And what's he doing?" asked Sweetie Belle.
The Crusaders looked past Twilight, and she followed their gaze. Doctor Whooves was bent down, and ... licking the ground? "Doctor?" she asked, perplexed.
Doctor Whooves spit out the dirt he'd gotten on his tongue. "No magic," he said. "There's not a bit of magic in the ground... no wonder nothing's growing." He looked up at the dull sky. "And the air doesn't have any in it, either... it's stale and harsh. Those pegasus ponies barely had the magic to fly, much less rejuvenate the weather." He nuzzled into his pack and pulled out the small tube with the blue light on the end. It whistled as he shone it at the Crusaders, then dropped it to the ground and peered curiously at it. "But you all still have magic... so you must not be affected." He tucked it away again into his saddlebags. "Fascinating..."
Everyone was silent a moment, except for Derpy who was whistling happily as she looked over the Scootbuggy. Finally, Twilight cried out a frustrated, "Will SOMEONE tell me what's going on here?"
Doctor Whooves nodded. "That sounds like an excellent idea."
Apple Bloom snorted. "Ah was gonna ask th' same thing mahself. But ah think here's a bad place fer a chit-chat. We'd better get back to Sweet Apple Acres, where it's safe. Diamond Tiara'll wanna talk with y'all."